Motherhood - a self-documentary perspective.

Being a mum, to love and being loved so intensely, is definitely one of the most rewarding experiences in the world. There are so much more about being a mum in addition to the love and caring for her child(ren).

I started to portrait motherhood in a self-documentary way, to record and reflect what it is like for me to be a mum. The fun part of this project was that I was the photographer trying to do a self-documentary project. I played with different perspectives and I was very conscious when taking these series of photos, that even when the subject was only my son, it represented a motherhood moment that I felt and experienced.

It lights my heart with joy when seeing my son being so cheerful over very simple things. It also softens me when he is terrified by the most common experiences.

Peekaboo - the game that always does the wonder.

M-U-M-M-Y! He was a bit intimidated and cried loud for help.

I feel so happy for him for any tiny steps forward.

Pick up the 3rd ball after a good effort. 

Started to try new challenges

Looking through the camera, I'm reminded how much work it involves for the little ones to navigate around their surroundings, even things like to eat, drink and go to the toilet that we grown ups have taken for granted .

I can do this.

I want to have a look!

I can reach it!

Most of the time, I pushed him around to sleep during the day sometimes I drove him to sleep. 

I often take him out for different activities and feeling very lucky to have so many high quality resources in London. 

We were on a Thames River Cruise. You can almost tell from the reflection in his eyes!

Then we went to Tate Morden.

He took me up and down this escalator for countless times!

After at least 20 times up and down, he chose to let go of my hand, and stepped onto the escalator himself, even when he was still anxious (see the hands).

I couldn't help but stop to take a picture while he was actually in the mood to keep going. I think having the buggy softens the image quite a bit.

 Sometimes we would be at home or go to nearby playground.

 We played some measuring and weighing games together. He read out number as 3 individual numbers.

He loved the flower we made and was smelling it. 

He liked them so much and gave me a big warm cuddle!

Experimenting how to print hand prints.

It is not always calm, of course. But accidents could be funny too. Once he head bumped my glasses right to my eye and left a surprisingly intact image. 

Christmas. After waking up at 5.30 am.

I was prepared if he decided to jump the next second.

You see right through me, right through.

End of the day.

We were on a queue for his nursery for quite a while. Sometimes I felt that as much as I enjoyed being with him, I longed to be able to do things that interested me, to be able to read books in a corner, to be able to communicate with other adults on something that is more intellectually stimulating. 

So evenings after my son went to bed is my happy hour, during which I could re-charge my mental capacity.  

Practice painting (http://www.painting.yanbohu.com) while refreshing my photography skills.

Instant noodles.

 Then my son started to go to nursery. I came back after dropping him to the nursery and saw his little slippers. I missed him dearly.

Now he is very happy in his nursery, has been to school trips and outings. I wish time could slow down. The time that I first held him in my arms felt just like yesterday. 

It is a fine balance of being a selfless mum and an independent adult. I constantly ask myself, what kind of mum do I want to be. I would like to be able to provide the best possible future for my son so that he can have more choices and opportunities in life; I would like to be able to help prepare him for the future world; I would like to make him feel proud of me too. So the answer is clear.

My Parents - 2017

Time is a gift; time is also brutal.

I live in the U.K. and I am the only child.

My parents live in China and they are 61 this year.

I visited my parents last month. I realised that if I see them once a year, till they are 81, we will only meet for 20 times.

So I set to record our get together, with the most tender heart.

I declined all friends and relatives kind invitations and spent all the time participating in my parents daily activities, just being their daughter.

They started their day with reading about healthy ageing.

Let me have a look!

Figuring out healthy ageing diet.

Pose for my daughter.

They showed me the shady footpath that newly built along the Hun River that they exercise everyday.

We walked pass a parrot that said "Ni Hao" to us!

My mum's tolerance for heat is getting less and she chose this hilarious sunhat out of practicality.

I used to think they take too much pictures every time I visit and thought it was disruptive our time together. Now I see why. Because they have experienced the pain of their only child being so far away and that they need to have something to hold on to.

My mum found a clever perspective that she could include all of us.

I followed my mum to her ballet class and feeling very proud of her.

We went to a thousand people singing event every evening, where people gathering together voluntarily under a bridge, to sing the old songs that everyone know. It is a very moving event, from old to young, everyone happily introducing about the event to new comers.

I know you are always looking for me; I am too.

Several songs reminded me that my granny used to sing for me while I was little. My eyes went red so I hid behind the camera.

Before knowing, it is time to say goodbye.

At the airport.

My dad has his own way of taking care of everyone. He would tell my mum to drink water.

He would also tell my mum she should clean her chopsticks - "like this" 

I walked backward, cowardly hid myself behind the camera again. 

"Just like the goodbye song we sung" said my dad. I smiled and couldn't speak.

I know it must be difficult for you to smile too.

 

At last, I had to keep moving. 

I wish the U.K.'s policy would change in regards to family reunion.